Wednesday, May 9, 2012

We have a new addition

Sad to say that I could not remember my password today when I tried to log into my blog. Not a good sign!! Gratefully I remembered and all is well. I know that I have been a horrible blogger, but maybe now that I am a stay at home mom again I can pick it up again? We shall see! But, the reason that I am a stay at home mom is that we had a beautiful little girl on Sunday morning.
There is lots of "back story" and I will post that later. We are just grateful and excited that she is here and all is well. We named her Zaidah Grace El Halta. IT is pronounced Zayduh. Fun and different but not to weird, at least we don't think so. It has several meanings: seven in Greek (which she is the 7th in our family) the lucky one, and overly loved in Arabic. All of these are true, and the fact that she was so dark and had a more middle eastern look that any of our other children it was a done deal! She was born at 4:20 am Sunday May 6th. She weighed 7lbs. 14 oz. and was 19 inches long. We are all healthy and doing great!!!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Oh how I see trouble in the future!!

Today started out as a good day. I was up on time, and Zack go to school on time. I then came home and made yogurt and started bread(a new recipe). When the dough was rising I went to clean out bathrooms. I had forgotten a cleaner and so I walked into the kitchen and what did I find?

I always let Jackson and Hadley have some dough after the first rise, and I had told them they could play with dough when it was done rising. Aparently, they did not want to wait, and attempted to make thier own dough.

At first, Jackson tried to blame ita ll on Hadley. Good thing the flour all over him gave him away. I didn't know what to say, so I told them not to move and I went and got the camera. After I took their picture Jackson asked why I was taking their pictures, and I said, "because I'm mad, and I don't know what else to do!" Jackson just looked at me and said, "ok."
Ih ave a feeling this will not be the last time that these 2 do something like this.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Summer Fun

We have been trying to stay busy. The kids have really loved playing outside with neighbors. We have had lots of "water days" where we either get out the slip n slide, or turn on the sprinklers, or just let the kids turn on the hose and squirt each other.

One night on the news they were saying that it was hot enough to bake cookies in your car. Well, Zack has been asking if we could try it, and so we finally did last week. It was pretty fun. We let them cook for over 2 hours, and when we finally brought them in they were pretty much done. We did put them in the oven for just a few minutes to make sure they were totally cooked. Basically we learned that it is not as hot as we sometimes think it is. But fun none the less. I think we might try it in August again when it is really hot, and see what happens?

We went down to St. George to do the shopping for a wedding that I was doing the food for. and while we were there we stopped to see our wonderful friends the DeVault's. They are sadly moving to Texas and so we wanted to spend time with them before they left. We are really going to miss them!!

Olivia's grave

After Olivia died we were faced with where we wanted to bury her. Truthfully, I had never contemplated where I want to be buried let alone my child. Sam and I started talking about the options. Enoch, where we live now. We would have to buy a plot for us and then Olivia could be buried there. Is that where we wanted to plan to be buried some day? Not sure? Utah County some where? That is where all our family lives, but where? Draper? Where my mom's side of the family is buried? Sandy, where my aunt is buried? There were so many options and none of them felt right.
Right as we were trying to make this decision, my wonderful cousin Joslyn called my mom and said that she would be honored to have Olivia buried in the same plot as her son Ian.
Joslyn had a baby boy 6 years ago, and he only lived for a little over a month. We had been able to go to Ian's funeral 6 years ago and it was a wonderful experience and so we knew where the plot was that she as offering.
As soon as Joslyn offered to have Olivia buried with Ian, Sam and I both felt like that was the answer to our prayers. Central Utah (where the cemetary is)is only 45 minutes from Cedar City, so for as long as we live in So. Utah we are close to her and we can really go when ever we want. And the fact that we have a family connection that she is buried with my cousin's baby is perfect.
Central is a very small town, and the cemetery is a "pioneer cemetery" which means that a person can be buried in what ever you want. Because of this, my father in law and bro. in law were able to make Olivia's casket. It was absolutely the most beautiful perfect thing that Olivia could be buried in.
The day that Olivia was buried was the most beautiful perfect day. We could not have asked for anything more. A friend of mine who had lost a baby told me to look for signs of Olivia at her funeral. At one point during the grave side service , a beautiful orange butterfly flew right in front of all of us. And later, a dear friend brought balloons for everyone to write a message to Olivia and then we let them go. When she called to get the balloons, all they had were orange balloons. Olivia and Ian are buried right under a beautiful tree, that we can hang things on. My cousin has a hummingbird feeder for her son, and then she brought a wind chime for Olivia. And it was a butterfly wind chime.
I am so grateful for all the prayers that were answered of where to have Olivia buried, and all the miracles that we witnessed at her funeral.

This is the meaning behind butterflies that I found: The symbolism of the butterfly: Imagine the whole of your life changing to such an extreme you are unrecognizable at the end of the transformation. Mind you, this change takes place in a short span of about a month too (that’s how long the butterfly life cycle is).

Herein lies the deepest symbolic lesson of the butterfly. She asks us to accept the changes in our lives as casually as she does. The butterfly unquestioningly embraces the chances of her environment and her body.

This unwavering acceptance of her metamorphosis is also symbolic of faith. Here the butterfly beckons us to keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our lives. She understands that our toiling, fretting and anger are useless against the turning tides of nature – she asks us to recognize the same.

4th of July


This 4th of July was a memorable one, in that it was 2 weeks after I had Olivia. We decided to lay low and stay at home instead of going out of town. That morning we took family pictures, and then we went to visit Olivia's grave.

It was a bitter sweet trip to her grave, but it was nice to go as a family, and to be able to talk about what family traditions we want to have that involve Olivia and her grave.
After her grave we went to lunch at the only place in Enterprise. A little hamburger joint.
We went home, took naps and then went over to our wonderful neighbors house to have a bbq and then watch fireworks. We have the most wonderful neighbors!! Everyone came out and we had lots of fun.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

To You, the White Rose

This is the story that my neighbor gave me. This really helped me put in perspective that I chose our sweet baby, knowing that she would return to our Heavenly Father quickly and would not stay on the earth. It reminded me that she is and was perfect and "just needed a body."

All mothers were gathered together at God’s garden of flowers. The earth’s beautiful budding spirits, who would someday come to earth, were nurtured and tended in the garden. A loving Father spoke to the mothers, “See the works of my hands. Someday you will be the mothers of these radiant spirits.” The garden glowed with the mixture of all kinds and colors. “Choose ye.” He said.

Now in the east corner of the garden, pure White Roses stood as sentinels. They were not as colorful as the rest, but they glowed with a kind of purity, which set them apart. One by one the mothers stepped forward. “I want the blue eyed, curly haired one, who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion.” Yet another chose a brown eyed, brown haired boy, full of life and love, who would someday be a prince in a grand country. The garden buzzed with excitement as the others chose their special spirits. Those whom they would soon welcome into the love and warmth of an earthly home.

Once again the loving Father spoke. “But who will take the White Roses? The ones in the east corner of my garden. These will return to me in purity and goodness. They will not stay long in your home, for I must bring them back to my garden. For they belong to me. They will gain bodies as was planned, you will miss them and long for them, but I shall personally care for them.”

“No, not I.” many said in unison. “I couldn’t bear to give one back so soon.” “Nor I.” said others. “We will take those who will remain and grow to maturity and live long lives.” The Father looked out across the multitude of mothers with a longing in his eyes for someone to step forward and speak. Silence.

Then He said, “See the most pure and perfect of the white ones? I have chosen Him. He will go down and be a sacrifice for all mankind. He will be scorned, mocked, and crucified. He is mine own. Will not any one choose like unto Him? A few mothers stepped forward, “Yes, Lord I will” Then another, “Yes, we will Lord” Soon all the pure White Roses were chosen and they rejoiced with their mothers. The Father spoke again, “Oh, blessed are ye who chose the White Roses. For your pain will be a heavy cross to bear. But your joy will be exceeding, beyond anything you can understand at this time.” The White ones embraced their mothers souls with such endearment that each knew she could endure the task. And the greatest of the White ones gathered them as a hen gathers her chicks, and the outpouring of love surrounded each mother and child, consuming them as He prepared them for their task. And each mother who bore the weight of a White Rose felt the overwhelming love of God, as they shouted. “Thy will be done.”

By Myrna Cox

Monday, July 18, 2011

Things I have learned and Miracles I have seen, and things I am grateful for

4 weeks ago today I had Olivia. And in that time I have seen more miracles, and learned more than I have the rest of my life, or at least in such a short time. I am sure that there will be things that I will continue to learn and things I have not recognized, but for now this is my list (not in any particular order)
1. I am so grateful to married to such a wonderful man. I could never have gotten through this without him!
2. As crazy as some may think this is, I am so grateful that I had Olivia at home, and that we were able to spend time with her, and the she was not whisked away.
3. I am grateful for my testimony of the Plan of Salvation, and the knowledge that we will be with Olivia again after this life, and that she is in heaven fulfilling her calling.
4. I am grateful that when EMS came, when we asked them not to do anything to Olivia (like resuscitate her) they were respectful and left the room.
5. I am grateful for wonderful family!
6. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost. It was a comforter. The minute Olivia was born I had peace and knew that she was not going to live. The spirit told me clearly that "she just needed a body," and that her name was Olivia. I am grateful for that same spirit that told several other people to call, having no idea what was going on and they were able to be there when we needed them.
7. I am grateful for a mother-in-law that is a highly experienced and trained midwife that did everything she could for Olivia.
8. I am so grateful for the Sheriff's that responded and their sensitivity to the situation.
9. I did not know it was possible to feel peace in a situation that seemed so horrible. And yes we are sad, but there is a Plan and it is ok!
10. As members of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that we were in heaven before this life, that we come here to be tested and that after this life we will return to live with our Heavenly Father. And because Sam and I have been sealed in the Temple, our daughter will be a part of our family forever! This understanding brings great peace.
11. I have learned about myself that in the past I was the person that if I knew someone was going through something hard, I would say Hi, but not bring up the subject. I have learned that it is better to acknowledge what is happening than pretend like nothing is going on. I would rather people ask me about what happened or just say, "I am sorry" than pretend like I didn't have a baby. I will never ignore the hard things again.
12. We have been so blessed by so many people giving us money, it is unbelievable. We will make sure to reciprocate when others are in need.
13. As you can imagine, we were not planning on having to plan or pay for a funeral. Southern Utah Mortuary here in Cedar was so wonderful. They went out of their way to make Olivia's funeral as affordable as possible. Also, a member of our ward is a mortician there, and he worked on his days off to be able to help us and be there for us, and we so appreciate him.
14. We have a wonderful friend who got in contact with a foundation called Share that came and made molds of Olivia's hands and feet for us. What a precious memory we now have of her.
15. Words cannot express our gratitude for our friends and neighbors.
16. One of our neighbors lost a baby several years ago, and she came and brought us some poems and stories about losing a child. The first one I read was about a white Rose. It was so profound and really helped me that day. I will share the story later, but basically it was a reminder that I chose to have this sweet spirit even if for just a few moments, and that she has a great work to do in heaven.
17. One of our dear friends Rae came from St. George to take pictures of Olivia, and I am so grateful for those pictures. And then the day of the funeral Tiff took pictures and they are so perfect and beautiful.

This list will continue, and I will keep adding to it. More than anything else I am grateful for this experience. It is not easy, but I have learned that God is so aware of me. This scripture has been repeated in my head many times since Olivia's death. In the Book of Mormon, Alma chapter 7 verse 12 it says: "And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.